Losing a baby to stillbirth is a heartbreaking experience that leaves parents feeling alone and overwhelmed.
If you’re wondering what to say to someone who lost a baby stillborn, you’re not alone—many struggle to find the right words.
\It’s hard to know how to comfort someone in such deep pain, but your support can make a difference.
This guide offers kind, practical ways to show you care, avoid hurtful phrases, and be there for someone grieving.
With thoughtful words and actions, you can help them feel seen and loved during this difficult time.
Acknowledge Their Loss with Kindness
Grieving parents often feel their loss is invisible because others avoid mentioning it. Acknowledging the baby’s existence validates their pain and shows you care. Share a gentle, heartfelt message to open the conversation.
Scenario: Your friend Sarah lost her baby at 32 weeks. She seems quiet and withdrawn at a gathering.
What to say: “Sarah, I’m so sorry about your baby. I’m here if you want to talk or just sit together.”
What not to say: “You’ll have another baby soon.” This dismisses their grief and the unique bond with their baby.
Offer to listen without pushing. A simple, sincere acknowledgment can provide comfort and show you’re not afraid to talk about their loss.
Offer Practical Support Without Assuming
Grieving parents may struggle with daily tasks like cooking or errands. Offering specific help shows you’re thinking of their needs without putting pressure on them to ask.
Scenario: Your coworker John seems exhausted after his partner’s stillbirth. He’s back at work but struggling.
What to say: “John, I’d love to bring you dinner this week. Would Tuesday work, or is there something else you need?”
What not to say: “Let me know if you need anything.” This vague offer can feel overwhelming for someone in grief.
Be specific—offer to mow the lawn, walk their dog, or drop off groceries. Small acts of kindness can ease their burden and show you care.
Be Mindful of Their Feelings
Words can unintentionally hurt when someone is grieving a stillborn baby. Avoid phrases that minimize the loss or suggest a quick recovery. Instead, focus on empathy and understanding.
Scenario: Your neighbor Lisa shares that she feels guilty after her stillbirth.
What to say: “Lisa, I can’t imagine how hard this is. Your feelings matter, and I’m here for you.”
What not to say: “It was probably for the best.” This implies the loss wasn’t significant, which can deepen their pain.
Validate their emotions without judgment. Let them know it’s okay to feel sad, angry, or confused, and avoid comparing their loss to others.
Share Memories of Their Baby (If Appropriate)
If you knew about the baby before the loss, mentioning their name or a special moment can be comforting. It shows the baby was real and loved.
Scenario: Your sister named her stillborn baby Emma and had shared ultrasound photos with you.
What to say: “I remember how excited you were about Emma. Her memory will always be special.”
What not to say: “You shouldn’t dwell on it.” This can make parents feel their grief is wrong.
Use the baby’s name if they’ve shared it, and only if they seem open to it. This small gesture can honor their baby’s place in their heart.
Encourage Professional Support Gently
Grief from stillbirth can be complex, and professional help like counseling can make a difference. Suggest it kindly, without implying they’re “not coping.”
Scenario: Your cousin Mark seems stuck in his grief months after the loss.
What to say: “Mark, I’ve heard counseling can really help with grief. Would you like me to find someone for you to talk to?”
What not to say: “You need to see a therapist.” This can feel judgmental and pushy.
Frame professional support as an option, not a must. Offer to help find resources, like a grief counselor or support group, to show you’re in their corner.
Respect Their Grieving Process
Everyone grieves differently, and there’s no “right” timeline. Some parents may want to talk, while others need space. Respecting their pace shows you honor their unique journey.
Scenario: Your friend Mia avoids baby-related events but attends a family party.
What to say: “Mia, I’m glad you’re here. If you need a break or want to chat, just let me know.”
What not to say: “It’s been months; you should be feeling better.” This rushes their healing and dismisses their pain.
Let them lead the conversation. Check in periodically without pressure, showing you’re there whether they want to talk or stay quiet.
Conclusion
This article provides heartfelt, practical ways to support someone grieving a stillborn baby.
By using kind words, offering specific help, and respecting their process, you can show you care.
Always prioritize empathy and avoid dismissive phrases to help them feel supported.
