Imagine sitting with a loved one who struggles to recall yesterday’s events or even your name.
It’s heartbreaking, and your words matter more than ever.
When someone has memory loss, whether from dementia, Alzheimer’s, or another condition, what not to say to someone with memory loss can make a big difference in their comfort and dignity.
Saying the wrong thing might upset them or make them feel worse, even if you don’t mean to.
This blog post will guide you through common mistakes to avoid and offer kind, supportive ways to communicate.
Let’s explore how to show love and patience with your words.
Don’t Say: “How Could You Forget That?”
Asking someone why they forgot something can feel like blame. Memory loss isn’t a choice; it’s a challenge caused by their condition. This phrase might make them feel ashamed or frustrated.
For example, imagine your mom forgetting a family event. Saying, “How could you forget that?” could make her withdraw.
Instead, try: “Let’s talk about that fun day again!” Share the memory gently to spark joy without pressure. Be patient and focus on connection, not correction.
Avoid: “You’re Not Trying Hard Enough”
Telling someone to “try harder” to remember ignores how memory loss works. Their brain struggles to store or recall information, no matter how much effort they put in.
Picture your friend forgetting where they parked their car. Saying, “Just try harder to remember!” might make them feel like they’re failing.
Instead, say: “No worries, let’s find the car together.” Offer help calmly to show you’re on their side. This keeps their confidence intact and reduces stress.
Steer Clear of: “I Already Told You That!”
Repeating yourself can be tiring, but pointing it out can hurt. It highlights their struggle and might make them feel like a burden. For instance, if your dad asks the same question twice, saying, “I already told you!” could make him anxious or embarrassed.
Instead, respond: “Oh, let me tell you again, it’s no trouble!” Answer with kindness, as if it’s the first time. This creates a safe space for them to ask without fear.
Don’t Use: “You Used to Be So Sharp!”
Comparing someone’s past abilities to their current state can sting. It reminds them of what they’ve lost, which can lower their self-esteem.
Imagine telling your grandma, “You used to be so sharp!” after she forgets a recipe. She might feel like she’s disappointing you.
Instead, say: “I love hearing your stories, let’s share one now!” Focus on their strengths and happy moments. This boosts their mood and keeps the conversation positive.
Avoid Complex Questions Like: “What Did You Do Today?”
Broad questions can overwhelm someone with memory loss. They might struggle to piece together their day, leading to confusion or frustration. For example, asking your uncle, “What did you do today?” might leave him blank and upset if he can’t answer.
Instead, ask: “Did you enjoy your walk this morning?” Use specific, simple questions to jog their memory gently. This makes it easier for them to respond and feel engaged.
Don’t Say: “Don’t Worry, It’s Not a Big Deal”
Downplaying their memory struggles can feel dismissive. For them, forgetting something might feel huge, even if it seems small to you. Picture your spouse forgetting an appointment and you saying, “It’s not a big deal.” They might feel their emotions aren’t valid.
Instead, say: “I know this feels tough, I’m here for you.” Acknowledge their feelings with empathy. This shows you care and helps them feel understood.
Conclusion
Navigating conversations with someone who has memory loss requires patience and love.
Knowing what not to say to someone with memory loss helps you avoid hurtful words that could upset them. Instead, focus on kind, simple phrases that show support and respect.
By choosing your words carefully, you can make them feel valued and safe.
Let’s commit to speaking with empathy, creating moments of connection that life
