Losing a parent is like losing a piece of your heart.
The grief can feel overwhelming, and as a friend, you might feel unsure about what to say to someone who has lost a parent.
You want to offer comfort but worry about saying the wrong thing.
This guide is for you! It’s okay to feel nervous—your words, when spoken with love, can bring a lot.
We’ll share simple, heartfelt ways to support someone grieving, with examples of what to say and what to avoid.
Whether it’s a close friend or a coworker, your kindness can make a big difference in their healing journey.
Let’s explore how to show up for them with words that truly care.
Why Words Matter in Grief
When someone loses a parent, they’re navigating a deeply personal pain. Your words can comfort or, accidentally, add hurt.
Offering genuine care shows you see their loss. Avoid phrases like “They’re in a better place” that might feel dismissive. Instead, acknowledge their feelings.
Scenario: Your friend Sarah lost her dad. She’s quiet and sad at work.
What to Say: “Sarah, I’m so sorry about your dad. I’m here if you want to talk or just sit together.”
What Not to Say: “You’ll get over it with time.” This feels rushed and unhelpful.
Simple, honest words show you care without pushing them to “move on.”
How to Listen More Than You Speak
Sometimes, the best support is listening. Grieving people often need space to share memories or emotions. Active listening—nodding, eye contact, or saying “I hear you”—helps them feel understood.
Scenario: Your cousin Mike lost his mom. He starts sharing a story about her.
What to Say: “That’s such a special memory. Tell me more about her.”
What Not to Say: “My aunt died too, and it was so hard.” This shifts focus to you.
Let them lead the conversation. Your role is to hold space for their feelings, not fill silence with your own stories.
Offering Practical Help
Grief can make daily tasks feel impossible. Offering specific help like cooking or running errands shows care beyond words. Vague offers like “Let me know if you need anything” put pressure on them.
Scenario: Your neighbor Lisa’s dad passed away. She’s struggling with chores.
What to Say: “Lisa, I’m bringing dinner tomorrow. Is 6 p.m. okay?”
What Not to Say: “Call me if you need help.” This feels generic and unhelpful.
Be clear about what you can do. Small acts like grocery shopping or watching their kids can lift a huge burden.
Sharing Memories of Their Parent
Sharing a positive memory of their parent can feel like a warm hug. It honors their loved one and keeps their spirit alive. Be sincere and focus on a specific moment you shared.
Scenario: Your coworker Tom’s mom died. You remember her kindness.
What to Say: “Tom, I’ll never forget how your mom welcomed me at Thanksgiving. She was so kind.”
What Not to Say: “She was such a great person.” This is too vague and less personal.
Specific memories spark joy and show you valued their parent. If you didn’t know them, ask, “What was your dad like?” to invite stories.
Respecting Their Grief Process
Everyone grieves differently. Some want to talk; others need quiet. Respect their pace and don’t push them to “feel better.” Check in gently over time, as grief doesn’t have a deadline.
Scenario: Your friend Emma lost her dad months ago but seems withdrawn.
What to Say: “Emma, I’ve been thinking of you and your dad. How about coffee this week?”
What Not to Say: “You should be feeling better by now.” This judges their process.
Grief can last years. Your steady presence, even months later, shows you care about their ongoing journey.
Avoiding Common Mistakes
It’s easy to say the wrong thing when you’re nervous. Avoid clichés or comparing their loss to yours. Phrases like “Everything happens for a reason” can feel empty or hurtful.
Scenario: Your classmate John’s mom passed. You want to comfort him.
What to Say: “John, I’m so sorry. I’m here for you, no matter what.”
What Not to Say: “I know how you feel; my dog died.” This minimizes their loss.
Stick to simple, heartfelt words. If you’re unsure, a hug or “I don’t know what to say, but I care” is enough.
Conclusion
Knowing what to say to someone who has lost a parent isn’t about perfect words—it’s about showing up with love.
Whether you listen, share a memory, or offer help, your kindness matters. Grief is a long road, so keep checking in with patience and care.
Small gestures, like a text or a shared story, can light up their darkest days. You don’t need to fix their pain; just be there.
Your heart, not your words, will leave the biggest impact.
